Jokes

15 of the Funniest Jokes Ever

  • Two fishes are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: “Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?”
  • I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
  • Want to hear a construction joke? I’m still working on it.
  • Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
  • I named my dog ‘5 miles’ so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.
  • Never iron a four leaf clover. You don’t want to press your luck.
  • Just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one’ so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this’.
  • Make crime pay, become a lawyer.
  • A blind man was calling an end to his relationship with his girlfriend. “I’m sorry, I can’t see you anymore.”
  • I slept through the alarm this morning. Good thing it was only a small fire.
  • “Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!” “Sit down and I’ll deal with you later.”
  • Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?

Little Johnny: But I asked first!

  • What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert? No thanks, I’m stuffed.
  • Why did the man put a clock under his desk? He wanted to work overtime.
  • Police arrested 2 kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

 

Source: https://twitter.com/best_jokes?lang=en

Chloe Kho (2P)

 

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The Lorien Legacies

Nine of us came here. We look like you. We talk like you. We live among you. But we are not you. We can do things you dream of doing. We have powers you dream of having. We are stronger and faster than anything you have ever seen. We are the superheroes you worship in comic books – but we are real.

Our plan was to grow, and train, and become strong, and become one, and fight them. But they found us and started hunting us first. Now all of us are running. Spending our lives in shadows, in places where no one would look, blending in. We have lived among you without you knowing.

But they know.

 

The Lorien Legacies is a series of seven novels written by Pittacus Lore. The series revolves around 18 Loric, who escaped to Earth in the hope of the revival of their species in future after their homeland was attacked by the Mogadorians, another extraterrestrial race who hail from the fictional planet of Mogadore. These Loric survivors include 9 Garde, teenagers who are able to develop superpowers known as Legacies, and their respective Cêpans, designated guardians who protect them and train them in the use of their Legacies. During the war, just before they were sent to Earth, one of the leaders of the planet, an Elder, cast a charm over the children, ensuring that they could only be killed by the order of their numbers, unless they were to gather, thus causing the charm to break.

Upon arriving to Earth, the Garde members split up and live in low profile with their Cêpans, moving to houses in different states and always changing their identities to avoid being captured by the large number of Mogadorians and their leader Setrákus Ra, who had followed them to Earth. Since they look like humans, they are able to pass off as humans by hiding their imminent powers and adapting to the life and culture on Earth. However, despite their best efforts to keep themselves hidden, Number One, Two and Three are killed before the first book starts. The first book, I am Number Four, depicts Number Four (the main protagonist of the series) on the run and subsequently also shows how the charm was broken, thus setting the scene for the Garde to gather and finally fight back in the war between the two alien species throughout the next 6 books.

I’m always kept on the edge of my seat when reading any one of the books in the series, as the books are very suspenseful. The Garde faces compilation in virtually every book, such as betrayal and sometimes the death of their allies, and these plot twists add the element of surprise to the series. Not only that, they leave readers craving for more in order because readers never know what is going to happen.

There’s also a certain kind of thrill and trepidation when reading the series, as you would never know when which member of the Garde would die – since the charm was broken early in the series, all the Garde can be killed randomly at any time. The fight scenes in the book adds to the excitement, as they usually involve the use of a variety of Legacies. The passages in which the Garde use their Legacies are written very vividly and descriptively, to the extent that readers can almost imagine what it would have looked or felt like in real life just by reading the words in the chapter.

All the chapters are narrated in the first person, so readers would be able to put themselves in the Gardes’ shoes and follow the story in the narrator’s perspective relatively easily. We are also able to visualize the situation that the Garde is in, and experience their thoughts and emotions as they go on the run and fight for the survival of their race.

While the constant change in narrator does give readers better coverage as to what is happening to all the members of the Garde, the ‘switcheroo’ can also be a little confusing, especially if one of their narrations reach a cliffhanger and continues only in the next book. One moment you could be reading in Number Nine’s perspective, and when you flip to the next page the words become italicised and you’re reading from Number Six’s point of view. Despite this small shortfall, however, I feel that the series is a really gripping book that many would appreciate, especially for those looking out for adventure. The books are easily found in our public libraries, so do borrow the Lorien Legacies if you are interested!

 

WE MAY BE WALKING PAST YOU RIGHT NOW

WE ARE WATCHING AS YOU READ THIS

WE MAY BE IN YOUR CITY, YOUR TOWN.

WE ARE LIVING ANONYMOUSLY

WE ARE WAITING FOR THE DAY WHEN

WE WILL FIND EACH OTHER.

WE WILL MAKE OUR LAST STAND TOGETHER – IF

WE WIN,

WE ARE SAVED, AND

YOU ARE SAVED AS WELL.

 

Germaine Lee  3T

 

Headlines – Sea Level Hit Record Highs in 2015 due to Climate Change

world

It has been half a year since 2015 ended, but climate and environmental problems are still bugging the Earth, raising even more concerns as the annual State of the Climate report consolidated 450 scientists from around the world was released.

Reviewing last year’s climate conditions, global warming was definitely the sole cause of the hottest weather by far since 1950. El Nino, an ocean heating trend that further worsens the heating up of our weather, can be especially felt in Singapore’s hot weather.

The increase in greenhouse gases introduced into our environment has had large impacts on the worsening climate has which in turn caused a domino effect whereby ocean surface temperatures rise melting of our icebergs occur at a faster rate, thus causing the steady rise in sea levels. This can be illustrated by situations in The Arctic, which is one of the most vulnerable to the effects of climate change and continues to warm, which has led to thinner sea ice cover. Water levels are rising fast in the Western Pacific and Indian Ocean too, following in the footsteps of a 3.3mm average increase in sea level. Did you know that snow cover in the northern hemisphere marked the second lowest in a 49-year satellite record in June?

While this happens, more areas experience severe droughts such as South Africa which experienced the hottest temperature of 48.4 degrees Celsius along with Russia and China. In the Antarctic, however, temperatures take on an opposite turn and are plunging instead.

Statistics on some of the other situations affecting the world due to El Nino show that the number of tropical cyclones hitting the earth was well above our average of 82 by around 20 and the Eastern and Central Pacific have been affected by the most number of storms in a year since the 20th Century. Furthermore, algal blooms due to warm temperatures have been observed to be spreading from central California all the way to British Columbia, Canada. Warm waters is therefore one of the most worrying impact of the El Nino which can prove to be detrimental to marine life, coastal resources and in turn all these would affect us as we are the consumers of our resources.

Global warming and climate change is really taking a toll on our environment and these results are just a very recent and updated proof of it. Thus, let us all strive to improve our environmental conditions as much as we can before 2016 ends!

 

References:

http://www.straitstimes.com/world/united-states/global-heat-sea-level-hit-record-highs-in-2015

Image credits: http://thecrusaderschs.org/rising-sea-levels-dangerous-threat-to-the-next-generation/

 

Renee Ong (2J)

 

Past Skeletons

i have bent my back so far back that it has cracked.

we spend all our money on wishing wells flicking

coins in the water filling the well where water lacks.

i spin words with the thread on this sewing machine

for all the values my combined words are worth.

these words leave me in the flicker of times

where your opinionated self has forced me to

the wall of self-hatred and doubt, where the

key to unlock my skeletons is in your hands

 

you always open it.

 

 

//

Germaine Ong

2L