Jokes & Pick-up Lines

1) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

2) A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

3) Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

4) What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.

5) Son: Dad, I need some money to go to 50 Cent’s concert.
Dad: Is your mother home?
Son: Yes, why?
Dad: Tell her to give you a dollar and take your sister with you.
Son: Dad… He’s a rapper… 50 Cent is just his rap name.

6) A: What’s the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?
B: I don’t know
A: You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.
B: What about the glue?
A: I knew you’d get stuck there.

7) Daughter: Mum, can you lend me $150?
Mum: No! Do you think that money grows on trees?
Daughter: What is money made of?
Mum: Paper.
Daughter: What is paper made from?
Mum: …

8) Teacher: Did you do your homework?
Student: Did you grade my test?
Teacher: I have other students’ tests to grade.
Student: I have other teachers’homework to do.

9) Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
Maria: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who found North America?
Class: Maria.

10) Teacher: Donald, what’s the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H I J K L M N O
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: You said that it was H to O.

11) Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.

12) Teacher: Roy, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brothers. Did you copy his?
Roy: No, it’s the same dog.

-Chloe Kho (1 Purity)


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