1) Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
Because they always take things literally.
2) Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?
To get to the other slide.
3) What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m changing.
4) Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it’s a little meteor.
5) Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
Because they kept dropping their trunks.
6) Helium walks into the bar and orders a pint of beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” What does helium do?
Nothing, he doesn’t react.
7) A neutron walks into the bar and asks ‘how much?’ for a drink. What does the bartender say?
“For you, no charge.”
8) Which trigonometric functions do farmers like?
Swine and Cowsine.
9) What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
10) Teacher: “Johnny, why are you walking into the classroom on yours hands and knees?”
Johnny: “Because yesterday you told me not to walk into class late.”
11) What do clouds wear under their shorts?
13) The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new apprentice who was willing to work long, hard hours. He instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with a hammer.” The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he’s the new village blacksmith.
14) What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
15) What happens when you put root beer in a square glass?
You get beer.
-Calista Lo (3 Loyalty)