Jokes

Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: “Put it on my bill

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”

  1. What did the mayonnaise say when someone opened the refrigerator door. A. Close the door I am dressing!
  1. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
    A. “Where’s pop corn?

I used to be afraid of hurdles but then I got over it.

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

A Teacher was once giving a big test. Upon collecting the tests she noticed a note attached to the test with a $100 bill underneath, “one dollar per point please” the note said The teacher returned the test the next day with $40 and a note attached, it said “$40 change!”

Mom, can I have an animal cracker?” asked 3 year old Bob. “Sure Bob,” said his mom. “Open up the box, and take a few.” Forty five minutes later Bob’s mother walked into the kitchen. “Bob, why’d you spill out all of the animal crackers, and what are you looking for?” “It said on the box not to eat it if the seal is broken.” Bob replied “I spilled out the whole box, I looked through all of the animals but I can’t find any seals!”

Jim was in a bad mood, and anyone who got in is way was going to regret it.  Jim walked into his favorite restaurant and plopped himself down on a chair.   “Get me a steak well done with mashed potatoes. ” Three minutes later when his order came, Jim screamed “DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME SAY WELL DONE?!” “Why thank you sir” the waitress smiled,  “that was the first compliment I got all day!”

-Nicolette Kum

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