1. Son: Mom, can you give me $20?
Mom: No, what do you think? Am I made out of money?
Son: Isn’t that what it stands for?
2. Father: How do you like going to school?
Son: The going and coming bit is fine but it’s the middle that I don’t like!
3. Mom: Didn’t I tell you not to eat cake before supper?
Son: But it’s part of my math homework! See if you ate one eighth of a cake from a whole cake, how much is left?
4. Teacher: Your daughter’s only five and she can spell her name backwards? Why, that’s amazing!
Mother: Yes and we’re very proud of her.
Teacher: And what is your daughter’s name?
5. Student: Would you punish me for something that I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Student: Good because I didn’t do my homework.
6. Who says that kids these days are not smart?
In a high school in Montana, a group of students decided to play a prank on the school.
They let three goats loose in the school.
Before they let them go they painted the numbers 1, 2 and 4 at the sides of the goat.
Local school administrators spent almost all day searching for number 3.
7. A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press the doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small, and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing one hand kindly on the child’s shoulder, leans over the boy and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”
To which the boy replies, “Now we run!”
8. I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
9. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
10. What do you do if you want to catch a squirrel? Just climb a tree and act like a nut.